Tick Tock...waiting!

Waiting....waiting...still no call from the plastic surgeon.  I'm sure they're busy!  Been feeling a very deep connection with my breasts. Almost like I am noticing so much more about them, how they move, the way they feel.  Very strange since they have been a part of me for 35 years, and only now am I really noticing them.  I guess the thought of losing them, and becoming something different makes you become hyper-aware of that area!  I notice so many other things too, like how many people look at them, and not me in a day, how my clothes stretch only in that area, how often I straighten and adjust my clothing and stance just to accommodate them.  Very strange feeling, being this aware!  Not unpleasant, just...different. I spent so long ignoring them, hoping for them to go away!  But as I wait...I have a deeper sense of self.  I am more internalized then I imagined. I find myself very reserved about the whole process, which is in direct contrast with my blogging.  Hence why, baring no new developments, I am indeed posting another blog! 

So..thank-you to all the people who have come and talked with me!  I enjoy hearing your stories, and just the discussions themselves.  Also, although I don't feel like I am doing anything special, thank-you to those who feel I am brave for posting these and taking you along!   I feel deep gratitude to everyone who has taken the time to talk with me, and that feel free to discuss this openly with me.  I am not ashamed and am very thankful to have so many caring individuals just let me know they are there!!!  And to those who didn't know if they should say anything, please, feel free, I am always open to talking, even if you disagree with me!! :)

Here we go.  I am finding the waiting harder then expected, I think about it at least 10 times a day, and so many things bring it up for me.  I have people asking me,  have I heard from PS, when, what size, how long will you be out, etc.  Let me start by saying...for a lot of it, I don't know.  Once I have talked with the PS I will know more. Until then, we are all a little in the dark. As for size..I would LOVE a nice C cup, but will probably be closer to a D after surgery.  This is just my personal guess, again, once I have talked to the PS I will know more.  I have no idea how long I will be off, how much the tummy tuck would cost added on, and how long till the surgery.  I am waiting with baited breath to find out!  I would like to just get the first consultation over with so I could have so many questions answered!  I totally need to lose weight beforehand, but darned if I'm not drawing out the final supper till the last second.  I should be starting now...getting a head start, but I keep procrastinating, and my newest one is that I am waiting till the kids start school, and I have 2 1/2 hours 3 days a week to do my workouts!  It sounds reasonable...even to me.  A GREAT cop-out!  Ha ha...why can't I just start now?  I guess I am saying good-bye to one side of me, and having to say hello to a newer me, and I hate good-bye's...they are always awkward and a bit unnerving.  So I guess I am having trouble saying good-bye. I need a 12 step program to good-bye!  That'll be my next goal...my good-bye.  Not that bad really....just need to start to get going on the journey! As I know more...so will you! :)