So Far Down the Rabbit Hole

It's been a rough few months...not going to lie.  I slipped into every old habit I had and embraced them.  Stroked them, told them I would never let them go again. Then the scale started yelling at me from the bathroom, and my old bra decided it just couldn't take it anymore and broke.  That's when I realised I had undone all that hard work.  I had written off every struggle, every accomplishment.  I had failed myself.  Completely.  I can say it was my ankle, I can do the woe story.  I can sit here and have you smile and nod that yes, I had gone through so much, but really.  The reality is, I let myself go because the voices in my head, the ones that tell me what a failure I am, that tell me I will always be fat.  Those voices got so loud and started to tell me what I wanted to hear.  That crowed about chocolate and cake, they cackled about needing to heal....they just kept talking and truth be told, I wanted to listen.  They are so comfortable.  Like old pajamas that fit just right.  They are worn in all the right places, and always make me feel soothed.  Unfortunately...with old pajamas....they start getting holes and we don't notice.  They aren't covering everything they need to and my health is at risk.  I've started noticing small things...like my hips ache...I'm not talking hurt a little, but truly ACHE.  Then there are the chest pains....they started happening once every 2-3 months...just little twinges.  But recently...they've been severe pain, going down my right arm....making my fingers tingle.  Now...I'm way too scared to go to the Doctor and hear what I think may be happening.  I would rather start fixing the problem.  I've got to start at the beginning again...I've got to try again.  I've got to do it all over again, but god willing, I'll succeed and be able to have my breast reduction! So...plan of attack...I will attempt to eat a healthy breakfast, and use a meal replacement shake loaded with all the vitamins and minerals my body needs for lunch, then a carb free dinner.  I've chosen Shakeology as my meal replacement as I hear such wonderful things about it. 

So that's the beginning and I will incorporate a gym.  (Can't fall in the snow in a gym!;))
I hope you all come along and help me to get to my goal! We are starting off when I can get the shakeology powder and get cracken! 

Thanks for sticking around!